Love: Is it Blind?


Every man or woman who wasn’t born with perfect genetics has wondered at least once whether or not someone can love them regardless of how they look on the outside.  Living in LA not a week goes by that I don’t have a friend ask me why men only treat hot women right.  They wonder if someone will ever love them for who they are, not despite lacking big breasts, a flat stomach, thick hair or a perfect smile.  We all want to be loved, but we all think we have to achieve some sort of visual perfection to achieve it.

Why do we think that way?

From an early age we’re teased for being overweight or awkward looking.  Young boys learn to taunt overweight girls practically from the time they come out of the womb.  How can a growing boy expect to enter into a relationship with a chubby girl when all of his friends are making fun of her?  For heavy women the formative years are the most difficult.  While others are entering into relationships, going to dances, having crushes, many overweight girls are doing their best to conceal their true feelings.  The overweight girl is either hiding from sight or being everyone’s best friend, but she’s not the object of affection.

Then college comes, and all those tiny cheerleader sized women start to gain the Freshmen 15.  The playing field starts to even out as the football stars start to gain their weight in beer, and the calories that were once burned on the field are now carried in the gut.  The once “chubby” girls are starting to get dates, and attention they never had before.  However, is this love the same kind of love they had always hoped for?  Are they being seen as sexy, hot, alluring?  Or are they being taken out on dates, simply because they are more accessible?

I have always wondered if someone can truly love someone regardless of appearances.  I know that you can “learn” to love someone despite them being overweight or not as pretty, but that isn’t the same thing is being head over heels “in love” with someone.  My ex put it best when he said to me, “I will always love you, but I’m not in love with you.”  He couldn’t see past my weight, because for him love was reserved for women with perfect petite bodies, big breasts, and perfect faces.

I work in a male dominant industry, I grew up with many male friends, and so I have heard all about the hatred many men have for heavy women.  To hear these men speak it’s as if a woman’s choice to not be fit is a personal attack against each and every one of them.  Where does this hatred come from? Why can’t we leave people alone to make their own choices for their own lives.  Why do we act disgusted when we see them simply living the way they like?  I personally am very disappointed by people who find it necessary to make comments about others’ weight.  There’s just no reason for it.  Unless your loved one is obese, and experiencing health issues, it isn’t your place to judge.  Spend more time judging your own choices, regretting your own life mistakes, and changing things about yourself which are undesirable.

happy couple

As for the question of whether or not someone can love someone, truly love them regardless of how they look I do think it is possible.  I don’t think it’s possible for many people, but it is possible.  I read a great article today of one such story.  Reading it gave me hope that there are people out there who can be kind and loving and genuinely happily IN LOVE with someone despite their body fat percentage.  Read this great story here.

Sabotage! Friends or Foes?

The hardest part about weight loss is keeping the weight off.  The ability to keep the pounds off takes self-motivation, but it also requires support.  Our loved ones and peers influence many aspects of our lives, and that includes what and when we eat.

When we meet up with friends it’s over drinks or dinner.  When we’re dating someone new most dates include food.  When we get comfortable in a relationship, we sit at home snacking together in front of a TV.  The ones we love get used to our personalities, our habits, and the way we look.  Change can be uncomfortable and unwelcomed, but what do you do when you need to change for your health?  You can’t put the needs of others before the needs of yourself especially when it comes to your health.

When I lost 85 pounds after high school many of my relationships changed.  Friends became foes, my boyfriend became jealous and abusive, and my family found it hard to believe that it was actually happening.  My relationships with everyone changed, and not for the better at first.  If I was a less self assured person, if I had any doubt of the importance of being healthy, I would have let these negative behaviors derail my goals.  Certain friends would encourage bad eating habits, others would put me down to tare down my newly found self-esteem.  Jealous friends would say things to belittle me and my appearance.  My boyfriend at the time became verbally abusive, in fear that my increased confidence inspired by my weight loss would cause me to cheat or leave him.

Still I knew what I wanted for me.  I was tired of not being able to wear what I wanted to wear.  I was tired of being looked at and stereotyped.  I wanted to feel healthy, lighter, free.  I wanted to be confident about my appearance, and I didn’t want anyone else to have an unfair advantage over me.  Everything changed when I lost weight.  I lost friends, I lost a relationship, but I gained so much more.  I made new friends, I found a better boyfriend, I went out so much more, discovered new places, and enjoyed my twenties like I never would have been able to do had I not lost the weight.  I also added years onto me life, and prevented myself from getting any of the diseases associated with obesity.

The path wasn’t easy, especially for me with my thyroid condition, but I overcame everything and lost the weight.  I’ve kept it off for over ten years now, and will never allow the weight to come back.  No matter who wants you to stay the same, if change is what you need to be happy, you can’t let anyone hold you back.  Be the you that you always wanted to be, and you’ll always be happy regardless of who else is in or not in your life.