Let it Go: Things He’s Just NOT Going to Do

Smiling-Man-Doing-DishesAs I walk through the battle ground that is my apartment after my fiance has gotten ready for work, I see the unfixed bed and think to myself, “let it go.”

No, I’m not singing that hit Disney song to myself as a joyfully clean up after my man, but instead coming to terms with the fact that there are just some things he’s not going to do. Although these are things that drive me crazy, as they are simple tasks that should come naturally, he’s just not going to do them, and I’ve come to terms with that.

It’s not that we haven’t had this conversation before, or that I haven’t explained why these are simple things he could get in the habit of doing, but he simply refuses to acknowledge their importance. My friends and family have suggested leaving the house as it is, leaving him no choice but to act, but after two straight weeks of dishes in the sink I drove myself crazy. No, I’ve come to the conclusion that if you want something done right, do it yourself.

With that being said, here is my annoying list of things he’s just not going to do:

1) Wash his utensils, or anything else in the sink other than the dish he just ate off of.

My fiance is a great guy, loved by many including my friends and family. I’m often told he’s a great catch. However, he believes he has done me a great service when he washes his plate after dinner. Every night other than Saturday and Sunday I cook dinner. I don’t tend to eat dinner, so I cook entirely just for him. I do the grocery shopping, and put the groceries away. I also clean the kitchen afterwards, and all the dishes used to cook the meal. So when I walk over to that sink, and see that he’s just washed a single dish it drives me nuts! It’s a fork! I mean c’mon.

2) Socks by the bed.

My fiance has explained to me that this is just a habit. That he does it unconsciously, and that if I left them there he’d get to them. But as the socks piled up, I was not inclined to believe him. Every night he takes off his socks by the bed side, and then leaves them there. I will note that the hamper is located within throwing distance of the bed. He could literally role them up and toss them in. Why God, whyyyyyyy?

3) Gel in the living room.

Every morning he has to gel his hair before work. He takes extremely hot showers steaming up the bathroom, so he uses the mirror in the living room to gel his hair. Then he leaves the bottle of gel on the antique table. Every day I go and pick it up and put it back in the bathroom. It’s a few steps, is that so hard?

4) Making the bed.

Just not going to happen.

All kidding aside, he is a great guy in many other ways. In speaking with friends and family it’s apparent that there always little things that are going to drive you nuts about your partner. Living with someone you learn to accept certain things, and pick your battles.

What did you think about my list? Does your partner have any annoying habits that drive you crazy? Share your annoyances with us below.

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Engaged

I’ve neglected this blog the past few months as I managed my full-time job and planning my wedding. The wedding is now planned, and I can get back to posting about the things I love.

I’ll start by sharing my engagement story. My fiance and I met a little over three and a half years ago. At the three year mark our friends and family began to ask the awkward question, “so…when are you two going to get engaged?” Couples know that this is one of the most awkward questions to be faced with, especially if you’re both not on the same page. My fiance always answered that he “had something special planned,” so I wasted patiently, while I wondered what was going on in that brain of his.

The surprise of my life came in June when he surprised me with a diamond ring at the Mission Inn in Riverside, California. My family was there for the surprise, showering us with rose pedals once I said yes. The proposal was followed by a carriage ride around the city, a family dinner, and then champagne in our suite. It was a magical night, and a night I’ll never forget. See the pictures below!

When Mileage is a Good Thing

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In speaking with a single guy friend the other day about his love life, the topic of “mileage” came up.  Mileage, unlike baggage is not necessarily a bad thing.  In dating terms having mileage means that you have had experience in relationships/dating.  Baggage is often an attempt to say someone is undesirable, because they have yet to move on from a past experience.  Unlike people with baggage, people with mileage aren’t bitter with the world.  They don’t hate all men/women.  They’re just living life, wracking up knowledge and experiences that are valuable.

My friend discussed his difficulties with finding the right woman.  He’s ready to settle down, but having trouble finding the right girl.  Unlike many men who refer to life experiences as “baggage,” he wanted a woman who has lived and experienced both highs and lows.  He understood what many don’t, that you have to go through the bad in order to ever really appreciate the good.

In my opinion a person shouldn’t get married until they have had experiences with other partners.  That may seem “slutty” to some, but I’m not saying you should go ahead and sleep with everyone.  However, I do think that dating helps you determine what you need from a partner, and what you don’t need.  It helps you understand behaviors, understand where people are coming from, be less selfish, and more independent.  The more people you encounter, the better you understand people. It’s a simple fact.

When I was young, and my mother told me that she married my dad at 17 I thought she was crazy.  I was only around 11 years old, but I remember thinking that there was no way I would marry someone right out of high school.  My dad was only the second guy she had dated, and the first person she slept with.  While I’m thankful for that (due to the fact I would not exist otherwise) I thought it was crazy.  My parents are still married by the way, so I will say it does work for some people.  Not for me though.  I knew in order for me to be 100% committed, I would have to know for certain he was the one for me.

My dating life was crazy, but I wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything.  With each jerk I grew increasingly able to spot out the wrong behavior, and more in tune with what I deemed was what I needed from a man.  I turned down relationships I knew weren’t right for me, and that’s hard for a lot of people.  Many women I know would rather settle, then wait for the right guy.  Cereal monogamists don’t necessarily get ahead in life.  Staying single allowed me to have an amazing life, filled with fun and heart ache.  But for all of it I am grateful, and without it I wouldn’t be in the amazing relationship I am today.

While many of my friends hate their exes or the guys who did them wrong, I have no ill will.  I’m able to be friendly with everyone I’ve dated, because they were a means to an end. Educational experiences, I’m better for having.  If you’re single, don’t turn away someone because they’re experienced.  If they have some baggage they know what it’s like to be done wrong, so they’ll be grateful when you get it right.  Don’t get involved with someone unstable, or someone who hasn’t sorted out their life.  However, don’t discard someone for having had a bad brake up, or wanting to be single for a while.

That’s my humble opinion for the day.

From Option to Priority

priority

If you have ever felt like you were just “an option” you know how amazing it feels to become someone’s priority.  It is the difference between feeling liked and being loved.  When you are afraid of being without someone, sometimes it’s easier to settle for being an option instead of waiting to become a priority.  You feel like if you fight hard enough you’ll outlast or beat out the other “options”. More often than not this isn’t the case, and why would you want it to be? If someone is truly in love with you, they will commit and be faithful to you. They won’t even consider other options.  It’s only when someone isn’t ready to commit that they consider other options.

Why do people engage in relationships with people unwilling or not ready to commit?  While there are “plenty of fish in the sea” dating is often intimidating.  People work longer hours these days, and social networking kills any sense of mystery revealing too much and ruining chances of relationship development.  It’s hard for many people to make time for dating, let alone find someone they are compatible with.  While the “search” often takes work, wasting your time with someone who isn’t ready to commit, or not capable of it, is pointless and tragic.  When you consider that we only have one life, and that life passes by in the blink of an eye, why would you want to spend it with someone who doesn’t value you enough to be committed to you?

I was once caught in the trap of committing to someone who was unwilling to make me a priority. After so many years I learned from him how to make people options, never making any man a priority.  It wasn’t until I found love that I was able to learn to commit again, and to make someone a priority.  Once upon a time I fought hard for commitment only to fail.  Now I wake up each morning as a priority. It takes time to find the one, but it’s always worth the wait.

Love: Is it Blind?

ChubbyBaby

Every man or woman who wasn’t born with perfect genetics has wondered at least once whether or not someone can love them regardless of how they look on the outside.  Living in LA not a week goes by that I don’t have a friend ask me why men only treat hot women right.  They wonder if someone will ever love them for who they are, not despite lacking big breasts, a flat stomach, thick hair or a perfect smile.  We all want to be loved, but we all think we have to achieve some sort of visual perfection to achieve it.

Why do we think that way?

From an early age we’re teased for being overweight or awkward looking.  Young boys learn to taunt overweight girls practically from the time they come out of the womb.  How can a growing boy expect to enter into a relationship with a chubby girl when all of his friends are making fun of her?  For heavy women the formative years are the most difficult.  While others are entering into relationships, going to dances, having crushes, many overweight girls are doing their best to conceal their true feelings.  The overweight girl is either hiding from sight or being everyone’s best friend, but she’s not the object of affection.

Then college comes, and all those tiny cheerleader sized women start to gain the Freshmen 15.  The playing field starts to even out as the football stars start to gain their weight in beer, and the calories that were once burned on the field are now carried in the gut.  The once “chubby” girls are starting to get dates, and attention they never had before.  However, is this love the same kind of love they had always hoped for?  Are they being seen as sexy, hot, alluring?  Or are they being taken out on dates, simply because they are more accessible?

I have always wondered if someone can truly love someone regardless of appearances.  I know that you can “learn” to love someone despite them being overweight or not as pretty, but that isn’t the same thing is being head over heels “in love” with someone.  My ex put it best when he said to me, “I will always love you, but I’m not in love with you.”  He couldn’t see past my weight, because for him love was reserved for women with perfect petite bodies, big breasts, and perfect faces.

I work in a male dominant industry, I grew up with many male friends, and so I have heard all about the hatred many men have for heavy women.  To hear these men speak it’s as if a woman’s choice to not be fit is a personal attack against each and every one of them.  Where does this hatred come from? Why can’t we leave people alone to make their own choices for their own lives.  Why do we act disgusted when we see them simply living the way they like?  I personally am very disappointed by people who find it necessary to make comments about others’ weight.  There’s just no reason for it.  Unless your loved one is obese, and experiencing health issues, it isn’t your place to judge.  Spend more time judging your own choices, regretting your own life mistakes, and changing things about yourself which are undesirable.

happy couple

As for the question of whether or not someone can love someone, truly love them regardless of how they look I do think it is possible.  I don’t think it’s possible for many people, but it is possible.  I read a great article today of one such story.  Reading it gave me hope that there are people out there who can be kind and loving and genuinely happily IN LOVE with someone despite their body fat percentage.  Read this great story here.

The Wedding Planner

the-wedding-planner

Ever had a guy bring up marriage in the early stages of dating?  Believe it or not it happens.  I call these men “wedding planners.”  It’s a funny notion, since we’re raised to believe that men can’t commit.  Personal experience would tell me the same for the most part, but then there are the “wedding planners”, guys who bring up marriage early on in a relationship.  At first it may seem like a breath of fresh air, a guy who isn’t afraid of putting his feelings out there, he’s honest, and real.  Then you’re forced to face the reality of, “if it seems to good to be true, it probably is.”

Jenny had ended a relationship, and was in the stage of singledom where she felt as though she was done.  She no longer saw herself getting married, and she was okay with it.  She couldn’t even see herself being in a serious relationship.  She was happy being single, and spending time traveling and being with her girls.  One night a few guy friends of hers asked her to come out with them.  Jenny typically didn’t go out unless one of her girl friends was by her side, but she was in a confident place in her life where she thought why not?  She got ready and headed to the hotel where she would be meeting up with her guy friends.

When she got there the hotel room was full of women, not that it surprised her knowing her guy friends well.  There was only one guy in the room, leaning up against a wall.  He seemed afraid to talk to anybody, which seemed odd because he was very attractive.  Jenny sat there talking to one of the girls, and noticed that he didn’t hold a conversation long with anyone.  Girls would attempt to talk to him, but his responses were always short.  He didn’t seem to have an interest in anyone.  When the girl sitting next to her got up to use the restroom, the attractive guy came and sat beside her.  It was awkward, because he didn’t say anything.  He just sat next to her sipping on his drink.  Finally Jenny had to say something.  She hadn’t wanted to give him the satisfaction of letting him think she was into him, but the awkward silence was killing her.  She broke the silence by introducing herself, and they were having a nice conversation when her guy friends announced it was time to head to the club.

When Jenny left that hotel room she thought it would be the last time she would talk to Jim.  When they got to the club everyone was dancing and having a good time, but Jim just stood there drinking his drink.  From time to time Jenny caught him glancing at her, but told herself to think nothing of it.  After an hour had gone by Jim finally walked up to her and asked her if she wanted to join him outside.  They walked out onto the balcony, and began to have what ended up being a great conversation.  Jim started out by talking about how he wasn’t in town to meet anyone.  He was a former marine here visiting Jenny’s friend who had fought alongside him.  He was only in town for a couple of days, and not looking to start anything with anyone.  He said that he wasn’t talking to girls who approached him, because he didn’t want to lead them on.  When Jenny heard all of this she thought for sure he was letting her know that this wasn’t going to go anywhere.  He lived in Texas, so Jenny had no expectations.  She was simply having a conversation with a cute guy.

He never let her out of his site for the rest of the night, holding her hand and leading her wherever they went.  Throughout the rest of his days in L.A. Jim tried to spend time with Jenny.  She wasn’t interested since she knew he was going back home, and wasn’t looking to start anything.  After turning him down over the weekend, she finally said yes to having lunch.  When Jim left to Texas he promised to keep in touch with her, and wanted to get to know her better.  Jenny shrugged this off, knowing that men will say just about anything.  But Jim kept his word and over several weeks they would communicate day and night.  He was charming, but Jenny found it odd that he was so serious about her after hanging out only a couple of times.  He mentioned over and over how she was a girl he’d want to marry, that he had a big house and wanted her there with him.  He spoke about missing her so much, but Jenny wondered how someone could miss someone they barely knew.

Jim couldn’t understand why Jenny was so hesitant to believe his feelings were true.  He messaged her best friends who he had met during his trip to California.  He told them he wanted to be with her, and asked them how he could get through to her.  Finally Jenny agreed to visit him in Texas.  He bought her a flight, and planned the whole trip.  Jenny couldn’t help, but to start to get excited.  Could this guy be for real?  If he was doing all of this he must really like her?  After all who would put all this time, effort, and money into someone they didn’t care about?

The time came and she had a wonderful time in Texas.  They did a lot of domestic things together, cooking together, watching movies, staying up late.  She actually started to see the life she could have if they worked out.  Things were great, but then towards the end of the trip Jenny got a feeling that this would be the last she would see of Jim.  He began to talk about how much he hated Los Angeles, and Jenny didn’t plan on moving out of the state.  How could it work?  Still she enjoyed the rest of the trip, and when he took her to the airport he told her to call him when she landed.  They kissed and said good bye.

When Jenny got home she gave Jim a call, but there was no answer.  She texted him the next day, and there was no reply.  Then she was deleted from his Facebook page.  He finally reached out to her and told her that he was just, “cleaning up his Facebook page.”  Two days later he was engaged.  Jenny’s mutual friend broke the news to her.  How he was engaged two weeks after spending time with her, Jenny didn’t understand.  Jim got married, and divorced in less than two years.  Jenny never heard from him again, and was better for it.

The lesson here is not that there are no good men in the world.  It’s not that men can’t commit, or that you should be worried if someone wants to be serious early on in the relationship.  The lesson is that marriage is a big deal, and anyone who is willing to enter into it after a couple of dates isn’t in the right mindset.  Getting to know someone takes time.  Even if someone is in love with you after knowing you for two days, they don’t really love all of you.  It takes more than two days to know someone, to know their personality, their interests, their goals.  You might be in love with certain aspects of a person, but not the person as a whole, and that’s what you need in order to enter into marriage.  If someone starts to talk to you about marriage that early on, ask yourself what their motives are.  Find out more about their relationship history, and you’ll have a better idea of if it’s going to last or not.

 

When He’s Just Not That Into You

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Books have been written about it, movies have been made, multiple conversations have been had, and yet we’re still having trouble figuring out when a guy just isn’t that interested.  I think the problem lies in the fact that sometimes mixed signals can serve as an excuse to stay with someone who is otherwise terrible for you.  Despite what he says, his actions will tell a better story.  Here is a real life example of when you have to look at a specific action, and not words or actions from the past (names have been changed to provide privacy):

Where are You?

Steve and Emily were dating for four months.  They spent every weekend with each other.  They lived an hour away from each other and both worked full time, so they rarely spent a weekday together.  Still, when she would come to town on Friday he never let her go home until work on Monday.  He had introduced her to his family and friends.  They went on double dates with her friends, and they spent lots of time hanging out with his.  He would compliment her constantly, and they never had an argument.

Although the weekends were great, she started to feel like it was odd that they never communicated during the week.  The drive made it hard to see each other, but shouldn’t he call or text once and a while?  She let it go, because of their busy schedules.  One Friday night she went up to see him, and the next morning he was gone.  She called him and he was golfing.  She found it weird that he went off without letting her know he was leaving, and she felt awkward waiting around his apartment for him.  She decided to leave, but later that day he begged her to come back.  He said he’d make it up to her with dinner.  They had a nice dinner, but when he went to pay his card was declined.  Normally this wouldn’t have been a major issue, but Emily had explained earlier that day how her card had been closed for security reasons.  He told her that it would be okay, that he was going to run to his apartment and come back to pay.

His apartment was only a couple blocks away, so Emily didn’t understand why it was taking so long for him to return.  She finally decided to call him, and figure out what was taking so long.  “Hey what’s up where are you?” Steve has the nerve to say.  “What do you mean where am I? I’m at the restaurant where you left me,” Emily says.  He was in a bar down the street hanging out with his friends.  “Why don’t you come here?” he asked like she had just gotten into town, like he hadn’t just left her 15 minutes ago.  When she asked him, What about the bill?” he said that he had left his ID with the waitress, and that he would go back and pay the waitress later.  Steve had left her in a restaurant with the check without a way to pay, and had gone to a bar.

She left that night feeling angry and confused.  He had been so great in the beginning.  He had made a difference in her life, and she enjoyed the time they spent together.  She started listing all of the reasons why he must care about her, even though leaving her at that restaurant in that way was a clear indication that he definitely did not.  He called her repeatedly that night, but she never picked up.  Days turned into two weeks before she saw him again.  He had texted and called her consistently apologizing and begging her to see him.  She finally felt as though she had punished him enough, and the honest truth was that she missed his company.

She got ready and headed over to see him.  They had a great night, and she felt reassured that he did care about her.  The next morning they had planned to spend the day together at the beach.  He was making breakfast when she decided to make the bed.  She threw the blanket off to fix the sheets when she discovered it.  A pair of freshly rolled off panties that weren’t hers.  Her heart dropped, but in all actuality what did she expect?  All of the facts she had ignored, all of the red flags she concealed, all came back to stare her in the face.

He was a wealthy young guy living at the beach.  He went out almost every night, he never called or texted her during the week, he left her in a restaurant for God sake.  She was disappointed, but couldn’t help laughing at herself for letting it happen like it did.  She finished making the bed, used a tissue to put the panties on top of the bed and then walked out into the living room.  His roommate was sitting there and saw her exiting.  “Hey buddy your girl is escaping,” he shouted to Steve who was still in the kitchen cooking obliviously. He came out into the living room, “Where are you going?” he asked.  She didn’t feel like he was worth making a scene over, what would that get her?  She would just look like a crazy girl in front of his roommate, and it wouldn’t effect him at all.  “I have plans with my brother I forgot about, and I have to go. I’ll see you another time.”

Steve looked confused, and he kept pushing for a better answer.  She walked out the door, and was already down the stairs when he rushed outside after her.  “I thought we had plans? What do you mean you have plans with your brother? Why are you leaving?” Emily just smiled and said, “Why don’t you just go back into your bedroom and take a look at what’s on your bed.  You’ll know why I’m leaving.” Steve asked her why she wouldn’t just talk to him, but she walked off towards her car and left.

Steve found the panties of course, and tried to make up lies.  He said that they were from a long time ago, that they had been there from before he met her.  “That’s even more disgusting Steve, you never wash your sheets?” she asked.  He even tried asking, “Aren’t they yours?” Like she wouldn’t recognize her own.  She told him that they were better off ending things, that he was young and clearly not done fooling around, and that she didn’t want to be with someone who was sleeping with other people.  They had never had the conversation about being exclusive, so it was her fault for assuming they were.

Sometimes we want to like a guy so much, we give ourselves 100 reasons why he cares.  We look at things he says and does, to excuse why we’re with him, even though he’s provided clear proof he’s just not that into the relationship.  Time is too precious, and there are too many guys out there who would actually care, to waste your time with someone who doesn’t.

The Holiday For or Against Singles

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Happy Vday

The longer I am in a relationship the more I realize how overly dramatic I was while single.  I was single for a while before and after my previous long term relationship.  Single in that I wasn’t in a committed relationship.  I dated, and I “saw” people for long periods of time, but went without calling someone my boyfriend for about three years.  You can imagine how traumatic that first relationship was.

When that relationship was done I was left with a feeling that I wasn’t good enough.  When the holidays came around I remembered that feeling, especially on Valentine’s Day.  I felt that I had to do something or else I’d be at home questioning myself all evening.  How ridiculous! Now that I’m in a healthy relationship, I remember what most holidays are about.  When we’re kids we’re not thinking about the fact that no man/woman loves us romantically during Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Years Eve.  We’re excited to see our family, play with our cousins, our toys.  On Valentine’s Day we pass cards to all of our friends.  Why as adults do we put so much pressure on having love during the holidays?

As Valentine’s Day approached this year I couldn’t think of anything I necessarily cared to do.  My boyfriend, in fear of disappointing me, threw a bunch of ideas at me.  They were sweet and thoughtful, but I kept thinking about the crowds, the overpriced menus, the wait times, and I thought why? I have a great relationship I don’t need a dinner to tell me that.  I’m fine with staying home, and getting a card.  Then I think back to the Valentine’s Days I spent crying, or dreading, or caring way too much about.  Funny how the holiday is no big deal now.

When you’re dating someone new or you’re single there’s a lot of pressure felt on Valentine’s Day.  Just remember that even if a man or woman hasn’t said I love you yet, your family and friends have.  You do have people who love you every day, celebrate that!  One of the best Valentine’s Days (if not the best) I ever  had was when I spent it in Las Vegas with two of my best friends.  We bought sweets for ourselves, my brother bought me flowers, and we spent the night dancing away.  Enjoy where you’re at in life right now, don’t worry about where you should be.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Valentine’s Day: Done Disney

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Happy Valentine’s Day

Anyone who has known me for even about five minutes, knows that I love Disneyland.  My very first birthday was celebrated there, and pretty much every year since.  My mom has worked for Disney for the past 17 years, and my boyfriend now works there as well.  Maybe it’s the fact that I never want to let go of my inner child, or that my love of big ball gowns makes me resentful that I wasn’t born a Disney Princess, but I always feel happy when I spend a day in or around the parks.

All my time spent at the parks have made me somewhat of an expert.  It’s no secret that many girls love Disneyland, many men however dread walking past that turnstile.  That being said, Disneyland is truly a romantic place.  It’s the reason why so many girls want to be taken there on a date.  Why not treat your girlfriend to a Valentine’s Day at the park? If you work on during the week, you can always celebrate a weekend before or after.  Can’t pay the hefty admission ticket price? No worries, Downtown Disney offers plenty of romantic dining experiences, and parking is free for five hours with validation.

So without further ado, here are some romantic dinner options Disney style:

The Blue Bayou

Blue bayou

The Blue Bayou

Ever taken a boat ride on the Pirates of the Carribbean? Then you have seen the Blue Bayou.  Yes, it’s that restaurant you can see from your boat before you take that first drop.  I had seen this restaurant over and over again for years, and always wanted to try it.  I just never got around to it.  I mentioned this to my boyfriend when we were first dating, and on my birthday he took me there.  I was so surprised, and excited.  The restaurant is much more magical than it appears from the ride.  The dining area is designed to look as though you are eating outside in the bayou region of Louisiana.  The entrance and waiting area are set in the facade of a New Orleans home.  When you walk past the doors into the “patio” you see what looks like outdoor dining.  The trees, twinkling lights, and bayou backdrop truly transport you to Louisiana.  Our table was positioned close to the water, but don’t worry you can’t even see the Disneyland tourists floating by on their boats.  The food was delicious.  They serve traditional Louisiana fare with choices of Jambalya, gumbo, and more.  See the full menu here.  As we finished our dinner my boyfriend said I love you for the first time.  He later referred the restaurant to his friend who purposed to his girl friend there.  The Blue Bayou is a truly a place for romance.

Ralph Brennan’s Jazz Kitchen

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Jazz Kitchen

If you like the sound of a Louisiana inspired dinner date, but can’t afford to splurge on theme park tickets, then visit Ralph Brennan’s Jazz Kitchen.  While I’ve never been on a date here, I have dined here with a close friend of mine.  The restaurant is beautifully designed with lots of attention to detail.  The fountain in the center of the dinning room ads a dramatic touch to the scenery.  The food and portion size are great, and the beignets  are to die for.  View the full menu here.  If you’re on a budget, you can visit the quick pick up location next door.  They offer many Louisiana favorites, and you can pick up a bag of the delicious beignets with powdered sugar.  Take your bag to go, and snack with your loved one as you walk down the strip and take a look at the shops.

Carthay Circle

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Carthay Circle

Located near the entrance of Disney’s California Adventure theme park, Carthay Circle is one of the newest additions to the theme park.  The restaurant depicts the same theater Walt Disney premiered Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs all those years ago.  The original theater is now gone, and the restaurant pays tribute to the movie that started the animation studio.  The restaurant is an ode to old Hollywood glamour, and the architecture is similar to the Spanish style reminiscent of that time.  The bar located on the first floor of the restaurant serves delicious cocktails as you wait to be seated.  The dining room itself is glorious.  The menu is varied with many California inspired dishes, and a few Asian inspired as well. To view the full menu visit here.  The ambiance is very romantic, and will impress any date.

Napa Rose

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Napa rose

Located inside Disney’s California Adventure Hotel, Napa Rose is a romantic dinner destination.  Entrance to this restaurant does not require an admission ticket.  The menu was created by the same Chef responsible for the menu at Carthay Circle.  Napa Rose has received several accolades since it’s opening in 2002.  The ambiance is very contemporary, but the dim lighting ads a touch of romance.  The wine selection is quite extensive, so wine connoisseurs take note.  With thick cut steaks, and fresh fish to choose from, you can’t lose at this modern restaurant.  To view the full menu visit here.

Other downtown Disney options include: The House of Blues, Catal Restaurant, and Naples.

Disney romance on a budget: Flo’s V8 Cafe. Great views of the Car’s Land Canyon.

No matter where you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year, I hope it’s a magical one.

Your Best Friend’s Boy Friend

best friend's bf

Love is always cute…at first

When you have known your best friend from a young age into adulthood, you tend to meet quite a few men.  These men can come and go as quickly (if not quicker) than the months of the year.  Navigating your relationship with these men can get tricky.  If you become to close to the boyfriend, and he becomes the ex boyfriend are you allowed to remain friends with him?  If you keep a distance from your best friend’s new man to avoid drama will you be perceived as a bitch?  Wasn’t it so much easier when it was just you and your best friend in the relationship?

The best way to deal with your best friend’s man is to know your best friend.  That should be easy since you probably know her better than anyone else.  You know what gets on her nerves, what annoys her, and you’ve probably been in this situation before.  Look back on how she acted in previous relationships as an indicator of how you should act now.

That being said, there are some general tips on how to get through your best friend’s latest relationship.  Here are a few situations that can occur, and how to get through them.

1) The Bad Boy

Sometimes your friend enters into a relationship with a guy you know is all wrong, and your girl friend knows it too.  Problem is she doesn’t care.  There once was a guy who told my friend upfront that he was living with someone else when he took her on their first date.  He later told her about how he cheated on every girl he was with.  Throughout the span of three years, he would hit her up every time he ended a relationship.  In the third year he finally came to her with a proclamation.  He claimed that he had realized that she was the one for him, and that he wanted the chance to prove his love for her.  I knew he hadn’t changed, wouldn’t change, and couldn’t change.

The Answer: I kept it cordial with him, but I never got close.  I didn’t spend much time with them as a couple, but when I did I had civil simple conversations with him, nothing deep.  At the start of their relationship I expressed my concern, and gave her my opinion on the situation, then I was done.  I let her live her life, and learn her own lessons.  You can’t make anyone do anything, and the more you express your hatred for your best friend’s boyfriend the more strained your relationship will become.  She learned the hard way that he couldn’t change when she found him in their apartment bedroom with another girl.  There relationship ended, but ours didn’t.

2) The Buddy

In high school one of my friends got with a guy I was already friends with.  As their relationship grew, so did our friendship.  The three of us hung out all of the time.  They were only together for one year when he went off to college, and they broke up.  When their relationship ended, so did our friendship until two years later when he reached out to me.  He had ended his relationship, apologized for being MIA, and wanted to reconnect.  We had always gotten along really well, and I wanted to give him another chance.  He was also interested in reconnecting with my friend, so we planned for him to come with us to a mutual friend’s party.  They hung out at the party, and went to dinner shortly after.  Fast forward years later, and my friend decided she had an issue with our friendship.

The Answer: You can’t always make everyone happy.  In this situation I believed it was okay to remain friends with my friend’s ex.  I think anytime you are friends with both parties in a relationship before the relationship started, you should have the ability to maintain both friendships afterwards.  Her ex hadn’t treated her badly, and he was a very good friend to me throughout the many years of our friendship.  Had she mentioned an issue earlier on I would have possibly ended the friendship, but the fact that she was mentioning it ten years after their relationship ended, felt unfair.  Using her reaction to my friendship with her ex as an example, I never got too close to a man of hers again.

3) The Good Guy

Sometimes your best friend isn’t the one getting hurt, she’s the one doing the hurting.  If your friend isn’t seriously in love with her man, you shouldn’t be either.  Don’t get too close to a guy who your friend isn’t that into.  She’ll end it with him quickly, and expect you to do so as well.  Avoid the drama, and keep your distance.  It’s important to be polite and friendly in his company, just don’t start planning tons of double dates.

4) The Guy You Used to Date

I will never understand this, but some friends get with guys you used to date.  What’s even worse is when a friend dates a guy who bad mouthed her while you were together.  I once had an on again off again friendship with a girl I worked with while in college.  We were good friends in high school, but problems occurred when we started working together.  She started to get jealous, and when I got promoted over her our friendship pretty much ended.  While working together I started talking to one of our coworkers.  I was just getting out of a tricky relationship, and wasn’t really interested.  He was trying a little too hard to get me to go out with him, and it was coming off fake.  He knew I was having problems with my friend, and so he thought by bad mouthing her I would like him more.  I never understand his train of thinking.  I told him that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with me by saying such horrible things about another person, whether or not they were on bad terms with me or not.  Still he continued to say mean things about her looks, her attitude, and her personality.  A couple of months went by, and nothing happened between us.  He finally understood I wasn’t interested, and he backed off.  One day I read my friend’s blog where she wrote about someone who sounded a lot like our coworker.  I reached out to him, and discovered that it was true, he had asked her out.  I couldn’t believe it, but he did.  I tried to stay out of the situation, but one day she messaged me saying that she heard that me and him and dated, and that she wanted to know the details.

The Answer: In that situation I did what I will never do again.  I told her that he had been interested in me, but that things never went farther than that.  I told her that she should be careful, and that he was fake.  She asked me to elaborate, but I didn’t feel comfortable sharing the things he had said.  They were too mean, and I wanted to spare her feelings.  I only said that he had said some awful things about her, and that she should talk to him about it.  She did talk to him about it, and he confessed.  She got with him anyway, and told me that I was just angry that a guy who liked me would like her.  That ended our friendship for good.  A few years later she wrote to me, and confessed that I was right about him, that she should have listened to me, and that she was sorry.  I had no interest in becoming her friend again at that point.  What I learned from that situation is that when a girl wants to be with a guy, she will ignore and resent every negative thing you have to say about him.  Whatever you have to say will come off as you being jealous in some way.  When someone asks your opinion you can give it, but then drop it.